DWTS Week Two Results Night

The rash of 18-21 scores in the contestant-glutted competition night, combined with the early mystery surrounding who is earning the favor of America™, grants Elimination Night of <i>Dancing With the Stars</i> with some genuine suspense tonight. And the show has re-balanced its rhythm of who’s-going-home drama and <i>¡Viva Variety!</i> diversions so we feel less like the shebang’s about to spring a leak.
 
In reviewing their Monday performance, Hobbit says that the judges were harshing his mellow; which, considering he danced in a baggy hoodie – and was accused of doing it lazily besides – is not the way to convince America™ you’re bringing that competitive edge. Kelly is just one poke away from waterfalls, and exclaims: “I failed miserably and it sucks”. Louie, unlike the younger pros, does not leap to provide soothing crocodile contradictions. He knows she wasn’t as bad as she’s feeling in that moment, but isn’t going to let her off the hook until she’s ready to work again.
 
The judge’s reprise goes to Mya and Dmitry – besides tying for the highest score it was the most thrilling routine; and maybe what sealed it was that they didn’t want to pay for Aaron’s Muppet henchmen two nights in a row.
 
We get two numbers from British soul singer Joss Stone, whose performance has good, live guts and plenty of fizz in her attitude. Her second song is <i>Son of a Preacher Man</i> and she does it with both respect for her forebears and modern sass.
 
Faring less well by comparison is Disney’s latest product from down at the teen idol factory: <i>Wizards of Waverly Place</i> star Selena Gomez. She and her hyper-scruffy band deliver some pre-fab power pop – like dumbed-down New Pornographers with fortune-cookie-generic lyrics. The show director discretely prevents the camera from staying still on her lips for more than a second at a time. She looks mostly happy to be there…mostly.
 
There’s a video package on the show’s cavernous new dance training facility, with multiple studios and a replica of the show ballroom for full-scale practices. With multiple couples roaming the place simultaneously, pranking each other and spying from the rafters, you can tell producers sense potential for backstage material here. Maybe they should be forced to sleep on cots there and tell each other ghost stories.
 
The Macy’s Stars of Dance Feature is another in a long line of Our-Biggest-Number-Ever-s. This time, they define it by sheer numbers, dancers from <i>Stomp the Yard</i> are accompanied by a couple of regiments from the USC Trojan Marching Band for a snappy mix of Breakin’ and Tuba. Making for a good excuse to slap on the Steadicam, the Band marches into the soundstage from the parking lot, led by the Mascot who is <i>not</i>, I repeat, <i>not</i>, Tommy Trojan. I refer to Mr. Trojan’s <a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Trojan>Wikipedia Page</a>:
 
“<blockquote>Officially, Tommy Trojan is not USC’s official mascot; it is Traveler, a white Andalusian horse. Still, many people have come to identify Tommy Trojan as the symbol of the university. Traveler’s rider is often assumed to be Tommy Trojan, but although the costume was designed after Tommy Trojan, it is not officially stated as being Tommy Trojan.</blockquote>”
 
You will be tested on that later.
 
Despite tying for the lowest score, Tom and Cheryl escape the Bottom Two. It’s a sign – something’s happening out there in Voter Country. And here I thought most of DeLay’s fans would have shot out their TVs to defend themselves from the Obama-tron fasci-liberal re-programming rays long ago.
 
That puts Debi in the Bottom Two with Kathy. Watching her fragile psyche over the first two weeks, I wonder if she will take this as a sign to give over even more of her will to the never-pleased Maks. She just does not have the iron core of his better partners.
 
And Kathy Ireland, beloved star of <a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_from_L.A.><i>Alien From L.A.</i></a>, is eliminated. The strange revelation by Tony of her proximity alarm (what kind of dancing did she think they were going to do?) might have made me curious for another week or two; but on the merits this is exactly what should have happened.
 
Next Week: The contestant pool reaches Lucky 13!