Daisy of Love : One Big Ass Kissing Rockstar

I could mince words welcoming you to the episode recap, make more jokes about the cliff hanger of some mystery guest action or make fun of Chi Chi for shaving his chest (I assumed he was naturally hairless) but Daisy doesn’t waste any time getting to the dates in this episode so I won’t waste anymore time either. Yeah! Double date with Flex and Chi Chi! They’re heading to the… desert? Flex immediately gets that gitchy feeling and makes sure that he’s not going to be pelted with paintballs, burned, bleed or have his ankle twisted this episode. Not to worry Flexy ole pal, all this date entails is jumping in a dune buggy for a little sandy joy ride. How could you possibly get hurt?

Flex, showing no fear, drives the little dune buggy in the sand like a maniac for him and Daisy. Daisy digs it and admits, “an adrenalin rush for me is pretty much an orgasm.” For those keeping track at home, an adrenalin rush is equal to red velvet cake for Daisy. Good to know. Tune in next episode to see what else Daisy thinks is like an orgasm, with this girl, it is always a surprise. What is no surprise to anyone is how Chi Chi handles the buggy when it is his turn behind the wheel. After killing the engine several times he plays it super cautious. It is the very antithesis of the whole point of this date, way to blow it again Chi Chi.

Now it’s Daisy turn to drive the buggy with both the boys riding with her. Flex calls shot gun and no one even thinks about it as Chi Chi is a child and will of course be banished to the back seat. While going all crazy on the dunes Daisy pulls a Grandma Dynamite and gets into an accident flipping the buggy. Daisy laughs because she doesn’t know what else to do, Flex laughs because he’s just cheated death and/or dismemberment once again on this show and we have to assume Chi Chi is passed out due to fright in the back seat because we don’t hear from him.

The date crew arrives back at the house to find that Sinister has moved all his stuff from the room that he shares with Chi Chi to a wholly different room in the house. This was in no way egged on by Dave Pack as part of “Operation 12 Pack Sexy Flexy” while the others were out. No, no way in hell. Dave Pack is a gentleman who’d never sink so low. Chi Chi is also a gentleman by making sure that Sinister is all stocked up on toilet paper in his new room. Chi Chi… that’s… that’s just creepy.

Dave Pack and Sinister’s date turns out to be a simple dinner date with Daisy. Rip off! The other guys got to go on a desert buggy ride! Dave Pack is getting all cocky on the date, he even brings up London (His name was Joshua Lee!) and everything gets all awkward. How does this guy keep getting alone time with Daisy? Get awkward = get dates? The dinner discussion then turns to the boys and their relationship and possible futures with Daisy and Sinister seems to be under the impression that it should be down to him and Dave Pack in the end. All that does is remind Daisy that Dave Pack is great and she asks him up for another nightcap.

Sinister is now angry, how should he deal with this anger? Asking for Dave Pack’s assistance with a cocktail? Nope. Beating on the bar? Nah. Howling in the hallways? Not this time. Tonight we go all bitch cakes on Chi Chi’s room. Why Chi Chi’s room? Because due to the tenets of “Operation 12 Pack Sexy Flexy” when Flex sees an opportunity trigger Sinister into seeing Chi Chi as the real enemy, he must make it happen. Truth be told, I can’t remember how he pulled it off, yet it doesn’t matter, it is still so damn impressive. As much as I like the Sinister/Chi Chi and Dave/Flex team ups that we’ve been having all season long, I’m really digging the occasional Sinister/Flex team ups that have been taking place.

The first occurrence of the Sinister/Flex team up is when they were conspiring against Fox, this time it is all about making fun of Chi Chi. As well they should make fun of Chi Chi as he thinks it’ll be a fine idea to camp out in front of Daisy’s room’s door until her alone time with Dave Pack is over. He’s getting cushions and blankets and everything. He’s committed as well as committable. For the most part the teasing Flex and Sinister are delivering to Chi Chi is more to get him to see that this is pathetic and he should stop rather than them just being mean spirited. Chi Chi eventually figures out for himself that he may be crossing the line and goes to clean up his room so he can sleep for the night.

In the afterglow of the next morning Dave Pack in full frat boy mode and is sharing details with Flex. He lets him in on the fact that “basically the whole time I was up there she kept expressing her love for Chi Chi, and I’m all, hey, quit talking about Chi Chi!” Oh sure Flex, laugh now, you’re about to be a pissy little eyelinered man for the rest of this episode, so get those chuckles in now.

We now see Riki hanging out around the house doing, you know, whatever/being Riki Fuckin’ Rachtman, which is cooler than a bomb pop on the Winter Solstice at the North Pole, when suddenly the door bell rings. Before we can find out if it’s UPS, Papa John’s or a Cathouse employee looking for his supervisor’s signature, Riki gives us some back story. Turns out that since the time that London (His name was Joshua Lee!) had left the house, he and Riki have become best Facebook friends and they both think there are some loose ends that need to be tied up. So yeah, as you’ve now guessed, at the door was London (His name was Joshu JOKE OVERSATURATION REACHED! YOU GAIN +23 EXP AND +42 GOLD! YOU GAIN AN ACHIEVEMENT : HACK WRITER!

When Riki goes to reintroduce London to Daisy we see Daisy just hanging out on her bed reading a magazine or results from the clinic. When Riki ushers London into the room Daisy makes some kind of squeaking sound. Is she going to cry? Puke? Faint? I really can’t tell. For once Daisy is a complete mystery to me. Well emotionally, over the course of the last 8 episodes (and a whole season of Rock of Love) we’ve all come to see this girl wears her emotions on the her sleeve of her gaudy black and pink skull hoodie. So for her to dumbfound us, the viewers, that’s something special.

Daisy and London talk for a bit, and then Daisy discusses things with Riki. Daisy really wants to see if London can work hard and prove his ass off for her love. Riki’s fine with that, if London actually does that, however; Riki would really rather have Daisy see that the four boys she currently has are better than London so she can get past him. Now comes the hard part, Riki is making Daisy tell the boys that London is back for the time being. Riki, why are you so mean?

Daisy has Riki holler at the boys that he and Daisy need to see everyone over by the stairway. Why the stairway? For dramatic effect Dum-dum! Daisy then reintroduces them to London to very mixed emotions.
• Flex : Why don’t we bring everyone back? Cage and all of them?
• Dave Pack : I think London’s a great dude, but I’m not packing my bags.
• Sinister : I wish I could’ve had a vacation back at home.
• Chi Chi : Hey, I still have your boots, the brown ones, they’re in my closet!

Riki tries to explain to the boys that this doesn’t mean that London is back in the competition, but everyone knows better. Sinister and Flex have no problems expressing this feeling either. London accepts all the hate coming his way and pretty much expected it. I don’t know if he expected the ever co-dependent Chi Chi needing a new best friend but like it or not they’re gullies for life now!

While Dave Pack, Flex and Sinister are sitting around talking about London and the London Situation, Chi Chi goes and checks up on Daisy to see how she’s doing. There’s no two ways about this, Chi Chi just put himself squarely in the friend zone and out of the competition. He further entrenches himself with the “oh Daisy, I just want you to be happy” stuff again which gives Riki a smirk that seems to say “way to write your ticket out of here.”

Now it’s time for London to try and sweet talk his way back into Daisy’s heart as well as the competition for it. Daisy straight up tells him that he needs to really man up and do a lot. I still like Flex’s idea of putting him through all the challenges Billy Madison style, but only if he goes full boar and dances to “I’ll Tumble for You.” London lets Daisy know that he’s not going to leave again “even if you kick me out, I’m going to hang around outside and then climb in the window.” Come on London, don’t go all cloying Chi Chi on us! We’re just about rid of that brown-noser, we don’t need another one to replace him! As Daisy leaves to contemplate the London Situation she falls down, the girl can’t even literally walk away from London, let alone emotionally.

Speaking of letting go, it’s time to let one of the boys go as well as go through the formality of getting London back in the competition. It’s a no-brainer that London’s back in the mix, I don’t even know why they’re acting like there was a chance that he was just going to be sent on his merry way, don’t insult my intelligence VH1! Rather, don’t insult my intelligence further VH1! Oh yeah, and when’s “Tool Academy 2” going to start, huh? The real question is, who is Daisy going to kick out?

Wait, that’s not a question because we all know the answer. No contest, Chi Chi is going home. Chi Chi was a good friend and a puppy, just not boyfriend material and Daisy finally had to let him go. Also good on her for sticking to her guns by saying last week was the last time both Chi Chi and Sinister would make it through to the next round. Now raise those flasks boys, you’ve earned it! Now get out there and crush the new/old guy!

Sorry this isn’t funnier, it was a boring episode and I ran out of booze. Check back on Epsidoe 8, when there was more crazy dramatics and I wasn’t running short on Bacardi. But this is all nothing compared to when the ex-girlfriends show up on Episode 10

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