Daisy of Love : This is the Dawning of a New Era

First off, this is the BEST EPISODE EVER of Daisy of Love. It took me a whole week to distill the awesomeness of this 44 minutes of television down into the written word, that or I’ve been drinking too much again. Let’s say both! It’s as if there was a contract between Daisy and I for her to give me a great episode to write about. So, let’s start this episode out right Daisy, do we have a deal? Look, it’s hot tub time! Also, you’re asking if everyone is single. Awesome! Thanks Daisy. Fox decides to up the ante in this impress-the-viewer-with-the-best-episode-opener-ever-ness by acting super shifty about answering the question. Sinister tries to get in on the action by getting upset and leaving. Sinister, you fail. Sorry, the overly hurt puppy dog routine goes to your roommate/best friend. I know Sinister, you’re the sensitive musician, but really, Chi Chi just has the skinny build and big cartoon eyes for it.

Now, how are they going to beat the hot tub scene to keep the viewers tuned in, instead of clicking around to find out what else is on? It’s as easy as simple math, Daisy + French Maid Outfit + An Idea To Make Breakfast – The Cooking Sense That I Had In Grade Three = Asses In Seats, and let’s face it, that’s what VH1 is really after. Will Daisy find love? Who cares about a lasting relationship as long as she’s trying to make pancakes that are 1/4th batter, 1/2 chocolate chips and 1/4th herpes pure carbon. Don’t try this at home kids, let Daisy’s lesson of “it is really fucking hard to cook pancakes” warn you off of such burdensome tasks.

Needless to say, reactions are mixed at the ole breakfast table. Chi Chi remarks on the chocolate overload rather than the carcinogen overload while Sinister has a tummy ache. I Sinister, I hunger edible food! 12 Pack and Flex are on the same page as Sinister and just douse the food in whipped topping to make it nearly palatable. Big Rig, ever the glutton for punishment, is impressed and enjoys the food. I feel sorry for anyone who’s ever taken the time to cook this man a good meal. To make Big Rig a tasty meal it seems you just have to show up in some sort of slutty outfit.

Speaking of slutty outfits it is special date time with Daisy and 12 Pack. That’s right, it’s at a lingerie shop. Here’s some dating education from Daisy, when you can’t think of what to do on a date, just take the new suitor on an outing that your former beau took you on. Don’t think that it is all fun in games playing incredibly ill advised/questionably sexy dress up, we also find out that Daisy is a complicated person. How do we find this out? Is it when she eats a candy bra off of 12 Pack? Is it when she dresses up as Officer Nasty? Or is it when she says to 12 Pack “I’m a complicated person”? I’m not quite sure. I was trying to keep up with them on the champagne intake. I ending up blacking out for a few seconds and don’t recall a thing. Wait, was someone wearing a gimp mask? I faintly recall that 12 Pack wants to be called Dave for here on out. I (and the rest of the internet, proving once again I’m an unoriginal drunk) now christen him Dave Pack!

While the date is still going on the boys at home are getting restless. These restless boys are writing songs for Daisy and conspiring to get rid of Fox. Of all people it is Chi Chi that comes up with the genius plan to get rid of Fox. I guess the masterminds at Operation 12 Pack Sexy Flexy were too busy working out and flexing to bother forming a plan so simple that it just might work. What is this plan? Start intercepting the phone when calls come in and if they are for Fox tell the caller that he just got kicked out because someone found out he still had a girlfriend and see what the caller’s reaction is. Now Chi Chi, Sinister, Flex and Big Rig are just waiting for to phone to ring. And ring it does! Chi Chi springs into action faster than Topato, only to find out that the call is for Big Rig. Buzzkill!

Speaking of buzzkilling a moment, Sinister certainly does that for Daisy and Dave Pack’s post date shenanigans. He’s already all camped out in her room at the end of a rose petal trail with his guitar in hand ready to sing his heart out. Daisy sends Dave Pack away to sleep off the worst case of televised blue balls ever and walks over to listen to the well groomed Sinister sing. In between searing like Wylie Dufresne over on Top Chef Masters, he manages to get out a pretty decent song. The producers once again subject us to goofy effects of London, teasing him for a possible future return. In the end Sinister does get some make out time, so it wasn’t so bad after all.

So that’s 2 dates down, Dave Pack at the slinky gown shop, Sinister in the coffee shop/bedroom performance, so who’s left? Presently dateless are Chi Chi, Fox, Big Rig and Flex. Daisy lets us know that she’ll be eating dinner with the first three and that she has a late night drink date with Flex. Tonight, Flex has a date! He has a date with the drinkiest girl in town! Flex has a date and he’s the happiest boy around. He’s in lust, he just can’t wait, tonight, Flex has a date! Or wait. Maybe not. No one knows when the phone might ring and trigger Chi Chi’s plan.

Speaking of Chi Chi, he seems to be the punching bag at dinner tonight. Big Rig telling him to shut up, Fox telling Daisy she’s too good for him, Riki (who’s at dinner too, yay) not buying his brown nosing and even podcast co-host Allison informing me that “Chi Chi dresses like a little boy playing dress up.” Poor guy can’t catch a brea. When Fox isn’t thickly laying it on about how pathetic he thinks Chi Chi is, he is saying very bizarre and disjointed things about his past relationship. Chi Chi looks hurt, Daisy and Riki look confused and Big Rig, well Big Rig being Big Rig, is just enjoying the show.

Missing out on the dinner show are Flex and Sinister; however, they’re more than excited to be waiting for the phone to ring. Oh and ring it does. For Big Rig. Dammit! Another call comes in. It’s for Fox! Paydirt! Also, it’s Wolverina and she says she’s still Fox’s girlfriend! Jackpot! Flex is super psyched and runs to interrupt the dinner and tell Daisy there’s a very important call for her. Daisy reluctantly leaves dinner, admonishing Flex for breaking up the feast. Daisy answers the phone and we find out that Wolverina and Fox still live together. Not only that but when Fox left he said he was going to go on a hair styling competition reality show. I am slightly taken aback by the skills Fox has shown behind that lie. That’ll be the last good lie we ever hear coming from him.

Daisy goes and gets Fox from the dinner and lets him now he has a call. Even with his Fox-Sense tingling he goes ahead and answers the phone. What transpires is something I really didn’t expect. Fox isn’t even listening to what his girlfriend is saying, in fact he’s saying all kinds of crazy stuff and basically having a one sided monologue over the phone Bob Newhart style. It is obviously an act just for Daisy and it gets her all conflicted and she runs to her room for another cry.

Riki leads the charge of trying to get to the bottom of the Fox drama. Riki ask Fox a lot of questions that he doesn’t answer clearly. Riki informs him that “if you did lie to me, you’re an asshole!” Flex takes the low road and tosses some water on Fox and Big Rig starts to have a food fight with himself. Sucks for the janitor, fight on! Fight on! Dave Pack is slowly starting come back to life in the middle of all this craziness. The phone rings again and as expected it’s Wolverina again. Chi Chi gives the phone to Fox for a few short minutes before Hurricane Big Rig comes the destroy the thing. Sinister is trying to get Big Rig to calm down and as well as figure out a way to get a handle on Flex as he becomes more unhinged. Dave Pack, back in full Voice of Reason Mode, reminds that that if they get kicked off the show for being jack asses then that buys Fox another day in the house. Nothing stops foolish destructive boys like Dave Pack playing den mother.

Riki now has to go impart some fatherly advice to Daisy, by telling her that she obviously needs to get rid of Fox. “What? Why?” Daisy asks. Riki practically face palms and reminds her of the house full of violent goons that was just set off by Fox treating her like garbage. He can’t even believe he has to tell Daisy any of this and tells her just to boot Fox. He’s none to pleased with the way Flex and Big Rig are acting, but for the love of all that’s holy she needs to boot Fox.

At the elimination ceremony everyone is on edge. Riki calls out Flex and Big Rig for being big babies and calls Fox a “pathetic little bitch” for being deceitful right to his face. Daisy starts in with a speech about how she can’t base her choices on what everyone else wants. “It’s Daisy of Love,” she reminds us and “that might mean I make choices that are unpopular.” There’s only minutes left to go and it seems like there’s a chance that Fox might stay! Oh Daisy! You did it, you really did make this the best episode up the the bitter and amazing end! You kept me guessing too, right up until you told to Fox to “get the fuck out!” It was so ace! As soon as that loser was “out like sour kraut,” you announced your awakening as a New Daisy! Yay! Now there’s something to toast to! Flasks for all!

Pardon me, but I’ve seemed to run all out of exclamation points.

Remember when Wolverina was still a badly guarded secret of Fox’s back in Episode 6? Wern’t those the days? And after seeing Flex and Sinster freak out it’s nice to see Sinister do the same in Episode 8.